TRUST ME, I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING

Even if you do not know how to fix a problem, it is important to think of ways to handle it, instead of looking on helplessly

COMPETENCE goes beyond hav­ing a specific expertise. It cer­tainly means being knowledge­able and skilful in your field. But it also means possessing a problem-solving ability that goes beyond your own speciality.

Even if you do not know an answer or how to fix a problem, you will know how to go about getting some­one who does — if you have compe­tence.

Competence means having a can-do attitude and knowing how to fol­low through a problem.

You know incompetence when you see it. I speak a lot in public, and once in a while. I run into a situation where the person handling the tech­nical aspects of the event — the audio-visuals - does not know what to do when something goes wrong.

For example, there is feedback in the microphone or the projector is showing the slides crooked, and the person — who obviously has not had the right training for the job — looks on helplessly.

Some of them actually look at me to see if I know how to fix it!

I am happy to say that, the great majority of the time, I work with peo­ple who are truly competent at what they do.

When something goes wrong —like a buzz in the public address sys­tem, for instance — they may not know exactly where it is coming from, but they know how to trou­bleshoot to find it.

They check one piece of equip­ment, and then another, and then another, until they find the problem.

Exhibiting competence in knowing what you are doing, or knowing how to get something done, is communi­cated to others in a variety of ways.

There is the obvious level of actu­ally being able to do what you say you can do.

Your "non-verbals" — how you look, the sound of your voice — go a long way towards conveying compe­tence.

So does the style of behaviour you choose — whether you come across as a very casual person, or as some­one who is a professional and takes yourself seriously. Notice I said, "the style of behaviour you choose", because you do have a choice.

That is my tip on competence: You can choose to behave in a way that exudes competence, or you can choose to undercut what skills you do have by looking and acting as if you are not sure of yourself.

Your ability to gain influence with other people is dependent on how they see you, whether they judge you to be trustworthy, and whether they think you really know what you are talking about or can manage the tasks you claim you can.

You will go a long way towards gaining that trust when you are able to impress them with your compe­tence.

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THE ART OF NEGOTIATION

Have you ever had a discussion with yourself about when to go to bed? The word "negotiation" may conjure thoughts of hostage standoffs and high-stakes labour disputes, but there's a more quotidian brand of conflict resolution that enters daily life at nearly every turn. Negotiation, in fact, doesn't necessarily even require another person.

Mary P. Rowe, an ombudsman at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (Cambridge), encourages people to think of negotiation as "all interactions between two or more points of view: it's possible to negotiate with yourself."

Negotiations crop up on the way to decisions big and small-when to fill the gas tank, how to spend money, who picks up the kids, when to have sex, whether to get married.

Granted, forging a compromise over which DVD to watch isn't the same as signing the Camp David Accords, but regular human beings can benefit from the same skills world leaders use to solve problems. And best of all, getting better at reaching agreement is pretty painless.

Principled negotiation is a strategy that seeks to move both parties away from polarising and usually entrenched positions, and into the realm of interests. It asks how both parties can get their interests satisfied while keeping their relationship strong. Negotiating well means neither party need feel cheated, manipulated, or taken advantage of.

Psychologist Daniel L Shapiro, associate director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, has trained Palestinian and Israeli negotiators. He taught members of the Serbian parliament how to negotiate.

When Shapiro was dating his wife, Mia, a painful imbroglio erupted after he asked her to watch his apartment while he was away. He returned to discover she had redecorated. Gone was his "cool" construction lantern. The card table he ate on had a new flowered tablecloth.

"In truth, it looked better," but Shapiro was incensed. The trouble, he recognised later, was that Mia had inadvertently trampled his autonomy. That turns out to be one of five "core concerns" his research identifies as critical in creating disputes and finding resolution.

The other core concerns are appreciation, or having actions acknowledged: affiliation, being treated as a colleague: status, feeling that others respect one's standing: and having roles and activities that are fulfilling. Cross one of the needs and conflict arises. Respect them, and com¬promise is around the corner.

The most important element of effective negotiation, says Rowe, is preparation, preparation, preparation. She recommends drafting a letter that includes an objective statement of the facts, explains how those facts were injurious, and outlines what the writer thinks should happen

Even if the letter is never sent, writing it can help clarify what is needed to repair any damage.

If there is not enough time for a letter, even a 10-minute break from a highly charged situation allows murky issues to be thought through and real needs to come to light.

'There's a saying among negotiators that whoever talks the most during a negotiation loses," says Bobby Covic, author of Everything's Negotiable! How to Bargain Better to Get What You Want (Pendulum Press, 2004). Being the first one to listen is crucial to building trust. Just getting the listening part of a negotiation right can satisfy many of the core concerns Shapiro cites.

However, listening - really paying attention to what the other person has to say - is hard. Gregorio Billikopf, a negotiator for the University of California system, offers several good lis¬tening practice:
SIT DOWN. This signals to the other person that time will be spent to hear their side. Never ask someone to talk if there isn't enough time to listen.

FIND COMMON GROUND. Approach the other person by talking about a neutral topic of mutual interest, say, baseball or knitting. It helps both parties relax and starts the flow of conversation. Transition to the problem by saying, "I want to talk about an issue important to me, but first I want to hear what you have to say about it."

MOVE IN LEARNING. Learning in to the conversation indicates interest. Head nods also help in letting the other side know their thoughts are being followed. But constant nodding or saying "right" over and over will seem insincere.

KEEP YOUR COOL. Experts agree on ground rules for communicating problems -no yelling and no walking away.

BE BRIEF. Don't go on and on, says Billikopf. He also suggests avoiding words such as "we disagree", a phrase that throws a person on the defensive.

FORGET NEUTRALITY. Trying to control your emotions usually backfires, says Shapiro. The other person can read anger and frustration, and negative emotions ruin negotiations. Instead, mine the situation to find whatever positive emotions can be brought to the table - like letting a spouse who's fallen behind on his end of the chores know that his hard work is admirable and the extra money he's earning is appreciated.
AVOID EMPTY THREATS. Intimidation can be powerful -but use it sparingly. Empty threats will diminish the other person's respect for you.

DON'T YIELD. Caving on important issues may seem noble, says Billikopf, but it ruins a relationship. "You're not asking the other person to consider your point of view," he says. Instead, look for compromises. Compromise is like stretching. Stop doing it and pretty soon there's no way to bend at all.

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BECOMING A TEAM PLAYER

TEAM players are usually people known for sacrifice, sharing and hard work. Many strive to be a team player at the workplace, but it takes more than just having a desire - it takes hard work. Being a team player often involves doing the right thing by not always having your self-benefit in mind.

Building confident, cohesive, well-functioning teams is an ongoing focus for leaders of corporations where specific and similar tasks are being performed. There are many pathways to building confident work teams. Whether you are working with a new work team or fitting into an established team, the guidelines here can support you in building and taking part in an even stronger and more cohesive team.

The following key principles are involved to become a team player:

• Look at the team you are on and define the team goals. Often these goals will differ from your personal goals. Be sure to keep the team's goals first on your list of priorities. Once you identify the team goals, think about the best way you can contribute to the team by reaching these goals. Try to think about reaching goals as an absolute destination, rather than just a possibility. That is to say, look at meeting team goals as something that will happen, not something that can happen. With this attitude, becoming a team player will become a reality. There has to be provision, a vehicle, for team building. At fixed intervals of time (for example, monthly staff meetings or annual retreats), allow some time for members in your team to bond and connect with one another. Listen to others - their con¬cerns and frustrations - to the extent to empower them to provide their solutions to their problems.

• Team players must recognise their individual strengths to provide the team with something useful. If you have a great ability to work with numbers, nominate yourself the maths person and try to work on all aspects of the project that deals with maths. Ef¬fective teams have a clear leader, with a clear role. Consistently communicate and play your part on the team. Proac¬tively address potential concerns and issues. Build a collaborative environ¬ment where every member's strengths are utilised and appreciated

• Always try to help others in need within your team. Often times team members will be so engulfed in their assignments that they fail to realise others are struggling. If one has the attitude that they will only do what they're being paid to do, then they may only achieve so much for the team. If one applies the attitude of helping a brother or sister in need, the team can build and succeed upon such efforts.

Teams can only be effective if there is a clear mission. Bereft of this mission the team becomes a boat without rudder. The resultant feeling of aimlessness leads to lack of clarity and fuel for productivity. Expectations for individual responsibilities waiver and remain unclear if not linked to the broader picture of team roles. And naturally, as there is no team understanding, you have to lay out the objectives and provide the team with direction and purpose.

The old cliché that teams are only as strong as their weakest member holds true in today's work environ¬ment. Remember that a team is a group of players expected to work together to achieve a mission. By defining goals, recognising strengths and helping others, you will give your team a better opportunity of having no weak members.

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I DON’T HAVE THE TIME

Did you ever notice how there is never enough time to do everything, or so it seems? But there is always enough time to do the important things. I am always amused how some busy business people can never take time out for personal development or leisure time convinced that if they were not there "the place would fall apart". And so, they are always there, before everyone arrives and after everyone leaves, never taking time to do the important things they want to do.

Yet, that same person, who could never take off three days for a personal development seminar, gets a surprise phone call one afternoon. Their mother has just passed away unexpectedly. Three hours later, they are on a plane flying to attend to the funeral and family, dropping everything at work.

When they return, a few days later, is there anything to come back to? You bet. Sure, some things get fouled up, but they are corrected and life goes on. "The graveyards filled with indispensable people."

Why does it take a death, a heart attack or some other personal emergency to convince people to do what they know they she be doing in the first place? It is a choice. Life is a constant series of choices. We choose to work. We choose our relationships. We choose how we spend every hour (or we allow others to).

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